The Jolly Boys Cricket Club

Fixtures & Results for the 2005 season

Well I know you've all been complaining away e.g. "Why hasn't the site been updated"... "where's the new fixture list ?"... "why are you always drunk?" moan, groan, grumble... Well it's not easy being a Jolly Boy, "webmeister" and full time alcoholic you know... But I'll make no excuses. In the wise words of some old goat I'm simply "too fat to live, too old to die" but I have really been too busy to get round to it (yes, yes I've been mostly in the pub or playing cricket).

But, a frenzied spot of tryping later, here we are again with the new seasons fixture lists. And the more awake and astute of you may well have noticed something different this year. Yes indeedly, not content with being drubbed every thursday, we're now up for a weekend kicking too and are taking part in two leagues. TWO leagues I say. By the end of the season we'll either be fit as fiddles and not totally crap or (more likely) we'll be utterly knackered and in need of artificial hips and new lungs !

So as is now traditional then, where available, you can see match reports by clicking on a highlighted date or game scorecards by clicking on a result (n.b. not all matches have been/will be chronicled due to a "winning" combination of strong drink, idiocy & midges)

Get your Evening League Results here, and your Fylde league results here.

Evening League (Thursday)

Date	Venue	Opposition	Result	Comments
21/04/2005	Away	Land Registry	Lost	Well the thursday Jollys are having none of this rain stopped play malarky and get off the mark with a traditional opening loss.
27/04/2005	Away	South Shore Shovellers	Lost	Well the game wasn't up to much but the last few minustes were definitely exciting ! Mainly due to a gaggle of strippers turning up and flouncing their way into the bar - only to reappear two minutes later when they realised they were at the wrong venue. And here were the Jollys thinking our time had come at last !
12/05/2005	Away	Nights Of Bachus	WON	Blow me down with a wet sponge... We're only three games in and we've registered our first win ! A parsimonious performance by both sides saw a mere 3 wickets fall in both innings with the Nights batting first and reaching 122 for 1. By some miracle the Jollies then managed to beat this total with several balls left to play and after only losing two wickets.
19/05/2005	Home	Kirkham Swifts	WON	Just what is happening ? Yet again the Jolly Boys are triumphant in a close fought low scoring, midge infested, classic at fortress Hodgson. We've now won 2, lost 2 in the thursday league with our best ever start to the season. At this rate there's a small chance of us not coming bottom this year !
26/05/2005	Away	The Dunes	Lost	All good thngs must come to an end and our unprecedented 5 match winning streak ends with a bit of a whimper. Batting first we post a miserable total and the Dunes come out worthy winners. So it's a return to business as usual for the "Masters Of Disaster" (tm).
02/06/2005	Home	Layton Institute	Drew	And the wonderful vagaries of the British summer once again contrive to present the Jollys with a draw. Drip, drip drop little June showers...
09/06/2005	Away	Nights Of Bacchus (Cup)	Lost	Another understrength turn out sees the Jollys lose to the Nights. But still it was a lovely evening and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves so it wasn't all bad !
15/06/2005	Away	Warbreck Hill	WON	And what an excellent day it was... Not only did we play well for a deserved Win but Sal arrived with a most welcome, and totally unexpected, buffet ! Fantastic !!!
23/06/2005	Home	Land Registry	Lost	Unfortunately we were unable to get a home ground this week so Land Registry kindly allowed us to play the fixture at their place. They also kindly loaned us one of their players as, once again, seasonal commitments saw us field an understrength team. Finally they then not so kindly beat us. Botheration...
30/06/2005	Home	South Shore Shovellers	Lost	Sadly a complete lack of available players meant we had to concede the match. When will people learn to put the needs of the Jollys before their illness and work commitments ? I don't know you'd think people had lives to lead outsode of cricket...
14/07/2005	Away	Nights Of Bachus	WON	Well sadly the Nights folded so we get a win by default. Now this is a shame as we always liked playing the Nights - especially since they changed their home ground to Guys Court which has a large bar :) They shall be missed...
21/07/2005	Away	Kirkham Swifts	WON	Wowsa ! Another win comes complete with a thrilling last over which saw two wickets and two run outs in the last over alone ! It was so exciting we even made the paper.
30/07/2005	Home	The Dunes	n/a	Postponed
04/08/2005	Away	Layton Institute	Drew	Sadly I wasn't at the game as I was laid low with a spot of lurgy but despite the match getting underway it was all for nought as once again rain stopped play.
18/08/2005	Home	Warbreck Hill	WON	Well what can we say ? Another splendid win for the jollys sees us do the double over Warbreck Hill - and for once we held most of our catches (with just two chances dropped)
25/08/2005	Home	The Dunes	WON	Well I'm afraid that work commitments meant I was away for the week so I'm not sure what happened. But if a drunken conversation in the pub is correct then the Dunes called it off again and we receive a default win. If this is confirmed this will mean we've won more than we've lost this year - making it our most successful season ever !!!

Evening League Totals: Won 7, Drew 2, Lost 6

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Fylde League (Saturday)

Date	Venue	Opposition	Result	Comments
16/04/2005	Away	Wyre	Drew	And they're off. Another great start to the season as rain stops play...
23/04/2005	Home	Comrades	Drew	Yup 'twas another good day for ducks. And for once I'm not talking about our batting. Another downpour prevented play.
30/04/2005	Away	Anchorsholme	Lost	Oh dearie dearie me. Not only did we lose but there were complaints about my playing in long johns. After three solid years of nothing but ridicule an official complaint is lodged. Some people really do have nothing better to think about.
07/05/2005	Away	Fleetwood IV	WON	Egad ! The first win of the season and we're only 4 games in. On a seriously wind swept day the Jollies manage to pull off a remarkable victory in the last over of the day with Tan taking a splendid left handed catch to get Fleetwood all out. Remarkable ! Outstanding ! The celebratory hangovers last until wednesday :)
14/05/2005	Home	St. Annes IV	WON	Well a lovely sunny day sees the Jollys play at Stanley Park and come up with a win. Although it has to be said we didn't actually win but, due to the Byzantine complexities of the Saturday league, this was technically a winning draw (yes you did read that right - ed.) What this means is that we got more runs, in more overs, than the opposition but as we didn't get them all out it's technically a draw. But as we got more runs we also won. Or something like that anyway. Please don't ask me to explain this any further as it's making my head roll round and my teeth ache... It's just the way the saturday league works. And yet there are people who think me playing in Long Johns is ridiculous ? Good grief...
15/05/2005	Away	Comrades (Cup)	WON	CUP FEVER !!! Two wins in two days for a now rampaging Jolly Boys. Not even staying up 'til 7:00 a.m. in the morning drinking could dampen our teams exuberance as we positively romp home for a famous (more like fatuos - ed.) win.
21/05/2005	Away	Preston III	n/a	Good grief ! Just because there's an F.A. cup final on is no reason for gentlemen cricketers to be unavailable to play. Sadly, due to the number of players wishing to watch the footballing riff raff disgrace themselves, the captains agree to postpone the game until later in the season. Honestly watching "professional" (sic) footballers kick and scream at each other is worse than watching toddlers fight in a nursery. Overpaid, overacting poofs the lot of 'em. Rugby league style refereeing's what them primma donnas want. Petulant twits one and all. If you want me I'll be in the back bar playing the pinball machine.
28/05/2005	Home	Blackpool IV	WON	Well after the usual poor start it looked like the Jollys were going to suffer a collapse. However a fantastic 100 for Ian (Newman), ably supported by a heroic Baz (who used his supporting role to amass a career best 23) eventually saw us post a useful total. A spot of intense pressure later and we'd skittled out Blackpool IVths for another memorable victory.
29/05/2005	Away	St. Josephs (Cup)	Lost	Botheration. The cup run comes to a grinding halt with a loss. And once again we have only ourselves to blame as we allowed St. Josephs to bowl us out before we'd completed our overs leaving them with a total of 102 to beat. Our only real consolation was that, despite some big hitting from their batsmen, we did force them down to their last couple of overs. So it's back to the nets for the Jollys batsmen.
11/06/2005	Home	Fleetwood IV	Drew	Ho hum another game lost due to the pitch being waterlogged. Or has it been postponed ? Sadly I can't remember so I'll update you when I find out (You blithering idiot ! - ed.)
18/06/2005	Away	St. Josephs	Drew	Well the match did start and, having elected to bat, we once again fell apart against St. Jospehs (for some reason we always bat poorly against them) But two summer downpours in quick succession saw the match abandoned and we scraped home with a somewhat undeserved draw.
26/06/2005	Away	Baxi	?	?
02/07/2005	Home	Preston III	Lost	What a sad day as the Jollys boys play their last game in this seasons Saturday league. Lack of players willing to turn up meant it was not possible to keep going with just the regular 7 (who turned up week in, week out) so we finish with a bit of a whimper with a good stuffing by Preston III. Ho hum...
09/07/2005	Home	Preston IV	Lost	Match conceeded.
23/07/2005	Home	Wyre	Lost	Match conceeded.
30/07/2005	Home	Baxi	Lost	Match conceeded.
06/08/2005	Away	Preston IV	Lost	Match conceeded.
13/08/2005	Home	Anchorsholme	Lost	Match conceeded.
21/08/2005	Away	St. Annes IV	Lost	Match conceeded.
27/08/2005	Home	Away	Lost	Match conceeded.
03/09/2005	Away	Comrades	Lost	Match conceeded.
18/09/2005	Away	Blackpool IV	Lost	Match conceeded.

Fylde League Totals: Won 4, Drew 4, Lost 3, Conceeded 9

Fylde League Rules

But as we're now in a bigger boys league then, for the benefit of new readers, I'd best try to explain the the format of the Saturday games. Sitting comfortably ? then I'll begin by quoting from the handbook...

• Each game shall be played by two teams and only two teams.
• There must not be a third team. A fourth team would be right out any any further number of teams is just plain silly.
• Play shall commence at 2 pm and must be finished by 7pm.
• The team that bats first gets to face up to 45 overs.
• The team that bats second must face a minimum 35 overs.
• There must be 16 overs bowled in the last hour of play.
• The team that scores the most runs shall be deemed to have won the game... unless of course they don't manage to bowl out the opposition in which case it's technically a winning draw.

Following this so far ? Excellent then I'll explain the exceptions.

• Should neither team be a clear winner the Umpire(s) shall determine the winning team by applying the following rules
• If the sun is rising in Aquarius, a goat must be affixed to a stump and left to eat.
• If it starts eating in a Northerly direction the home team shall be deemed victorious.
• If it starts to eat in an Easterly direction the away team will be deemed victorious.
• Should the goat defecate before eating the game shall be tied and the away captain must clean up the mess.
• Any team attempting to bribe the goat with carrots or old shoes shall forfeit the game (and the goat)
• Alternatively should the moon be beneficially aspected in the House of Fraser the Umpire(s) must offer a small child a packet of Smarties.
• This child must be chosen at random and must have no ties to either team.
• The umpire(s) must follow this child and keep offering smarties until either a blue or orange smartie is chosen.
• Police involvement will not be a valid reason for failing to produce a result.
• If the child eats a blue smartie first the away team shall be deemed to be in disgrace and will forfeit the match plus an additional 1 point.
• If the first smartie is orange the home team shall be tried as witches and thrown into a duckpond.
• If they float they are guilty and will receive a losing draw.
• If they sink they are innocent and will receive a straight win.
• Should none of these rules apply then the game shall be deemed void and both teams should present themselves at their nearest public house and demand supper.
• The team receiving the best supper will receive a winning draw and the bill.
• The management reserve the right to refuse admission
• No shirt, no service.
• God save the King

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