21th July 2005 away to the Kirkham Swifts

Well despite the dissapointment of resigning from the Saturday league the Jollys thursday team continues to go from strength to strength and we pull of a most unexpected victory against the Kirkham Swifts. At this point it should also be noted that this was the first time we have ever used the "home" dressing rooms at South Shore. So is this an omen for things to come ? Can we get to use it again ? (stop gibbering like a medieval peasant you superstitious old twit - ed.)

And the game proved to be so exciting we even made the Evening Gazette (Ogs head is just about getting back to its normal size now - ed.) Hooray for the Jolly Boys !


The match hasn't even got going yet and Powellys aslready getting over excited simply by the change of dressing rooms. Honestly it doesn't take much to keep us amused. Even watching an ant carrying a twig is enough to get a giggle out of the Jollys. We're just happy to be drinking (I think he means "playing cricket" -ed.)


The jollys are batting first so Baz gets ready to do a spot of scoring by stocking up on fags 'n' booze.


A slightly calmer Powelly wipes a tear from his eye after the umpire tells him he can't take his pint out to bat with him. "But what happens if I get thirty ?" he asks in vain. "And anyway if I leave it there the Locust Patrol will drink it before I'm back. It's just not fair".

Sorry lad but rules is rules, no pints on the pitch is the umpires decision and, as all good cricketers know, the umpires decision is final !


Well the scores going along nicely but the eagle eyed Jollys fail to notice that the Swifts bowler is wearing BLACK PANTS ! Unfortunately for us though he'd already bowled a full over before we noticed so we let him carry on regardless.

It's a hard life being a Jolly, you fail to notice your loved ones new hairdo, you fail to notice the bowlers black pants, you fail to notice the big bright yellow speed cameras. Bah. At least we never fail to notice that the bar's still open :)


Blimey, it's a good job we're batting as "Cockney" Stu turns up slightly late. Mind you just look at how complicated the stabilisers are on his bike. No wonder he's late it must have taken him 1/2 hour to get that lot organised.

Ah (light dawns) it's not a stabiliser... it's actually a clever way to keep your younglings bicycle attached. So this begs the question where's Shannon ? has she fallen off the back ? Has he forgotten her ? (actually no she was whizzing about like a dervish off camera at the time -ed.)


Meanwhile the runs are piling up and the Jollys take to taunting the Swifts by flashing the word "or" at them. Take that Swifts, next we shall taunt you with an "and". Feel the wrath of our Boolean taunting !

(eds note: Technically this should be part of our cunning electric scoreboards display which flashes "nnn runs for nn wickets off nnn overs" but for some reason the camera never captures the LEDs very well).


Blimey Powelly's definitely been at the blue smarties as he celebrates the end of the Jollys iniings, and the amassing of a fine total, by leaping onto his hands and passing wind at the camera.

And the judges decision ? 10 out of 10 for acrobatic ability but 0 out of 10 for gentlemanly restraint.


Well there were no pictures of us fielding (as if you even expect them any more ?) but we managed to keep the Swifts under our total thanks to a marvellous last over by Ogs (see clipping for details) So it only remains for me to show you the lads celebrating inside of the "lucky" dressing room (thank goodness the lads had time to get their pants back on - ed.)

Well look what turned up in the Gazette a few nights later (and notice how tatty the clipping is as it was obviously taken from a pub copy of the paper rather than a bought one - ed.) So will Ogs ever deem us worthy again ? Have I got the team name wrong in this report ? Did the Swifts chage names mid season ? Or have I just got it totally wrong (as usual - ed.) Oh well I suppose I'd best find out but for now I'm leaving things as they are...

What an over by Ogden !

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