The Jolly Boys Cricket Club

What a lovely evening it is as the teams gather in front of the sumptuous Warbreck Hill pavillion for those important last fags 'n' cans before the game. After all there's no point in going out without a warm up as that's how you get all those niggly little sprains and strains !

Well Scotty Bubs must have heard me thinking as he starts his warm up by breaking into a small impromptu "Stella Dance". Oblivious to the entertainment behind them Coxy and Dave wander off to open the batting.

It's just a shame no-ones pointed out that there's no rush as the fielders haven't finished rolling their fags yet. But who cares when there's entertainment like this ? Go Bubs go !!!.

And just to disprove any notions of my journalistic competence there was a 10 minute break in coverage at this point as, having left my cans of Dortmunder Dab in the fridge at home, I had to head off into Thornton to get some booze. But I return 10 minutes later to find that we're a couple of wickets down.

Still there are runs on the board and the Jollys are looking calm. Far too calm in fact... it's almost like we're waiting for something to happen...

But wait... what's this ? Suddenly, as if by magic, Sal appears... and it's not to berate Baz for coming out with the only set of house keys. Oh no, she's actually brought us a spot of buffet !!!!

Just look at this... Four (count 'em - ed.) biscuit tins worth of splendid looking grub ! Blimey.. What have we done to deserve this ? (Wait a minute... she's not been bribed by the opposition to make us too full to field has she ? - ed.)

Gah ! Thoughts of upcoming fielding duties go straight out of the window and it's every man for themselves as the Jollys pile into the buffet like a swarm of locusts attacking a solitary lettuce. Grown mens arms are torn limb from limb in the rush to get the best slice of pie...

Now calm down the lot of you. There's plenty to go round, plenty... and we are in the middle of a game of cricket after all (Oi ! bugger off that bit of cheese I saw it first - ed.)

Now that's more like it, Powelly's got the right idea. He let the rest of the locusts fill up on pies and butties before casually moving in for the kill on a raft of cream cakes. "This is nice and light and in ten minutes I'll be skipping around the field like a newborn lamb whilst you lot will be having trouble standing" quoth our hero.

And it looks like he's right as, whilst he demolishes the cream cakes, the rest of the squad lie about groaning and clutching their distended bellies.

Now where were we ? Oh yes... the cricket... back on the field a positively splendid bit of running in the last over sees the Jollys reach a grand total of 132. All that's left is for Ian and Chris to come back in and look dissapointedly at what's left in the buffet tins.

And the answer is... nowt ! We'll not see food and drink go to waste when the Jollys are about. No sir ! In fact we're thinking of hiring ourselves out to wedding functions etc. to "help deal with any leftovers" No pie too large, no belt too loose, that's our motto.

Well... due to the now traditional lack of willing photographers there are no pictures of us in the field. So here to finish is a nice picture of us celebrating our victory outside the Old Town Hall.

And if the imbeciles in charge of Wyre Borough council would care to notice nobody is being obstructed. Nobody is being badly behaved and everyone is having a lovely evening. So if you think you're banning drinking outside the pubs in Poulton we have a simple message for you. You WILL be voted out. Pipsqueaks the lot of you...