27 April 2006 away to Land Registry

Goodness gracious me. There are some things in life that you can usually rely on. Buses will only ever arrive three at a time after you've waited 3 days for one, trains will only ever arrive on the first thursday of the month (and then only if an owl carrying a marmoset has passed within 64 feet of the "official" timtable - and then only if the marmoset is reciting the correct poems), politicians are all corrupt, useless imbeciles with the collective imagination of a stale yoghurt, and the Jollys will lose their first game of the season.

But no ! Nay, nay, nay. The natural order of things has been upset... The marmosets are still reciting poetry, the owls are readying their carrying baskets (you didn't think owls would be so unkind as to actually eat the marmosets did you ?) And in a most un Jolly like start to the season we actually manage to start with a win !

P.S. having been heartily chastised in the pub this evening for forgetting the fact, I must also mention that the very first ball faced this year was summarily despatched for a 4. Ding... Ding... Ding... All fares please (many apologies, your humble scribe appears to have completely lost the plot - ed.)


Ah... the season gets underway with the fizz of ringpulls and bottletops being pulled, the rustle of fag packets, and the click of lighter flints. Sadly though we lost the toss and were asked to bowl first. So as our loyal readers have come to expect you'll not be suprised to hear that there were no spare Jollys to take pictures of us in the field.

Harrumph ! So, despite the close season talk of us having a squad of thousands, it looks like it's going to be business as usual for the Jollys this year.


This being the case we move swiftly on to the end of Land Registrys innings and after their twelve overs they have suprisingly only amassed something like 71 runs (do check this before it goes online - ed.) But having had a look around I may just know the reason why...

Here's the shocking evidence for all to see (as spotted on the Land Registry changing room window...) If this was their pre match diet then we might just be in with a chance after all. A pot nasty and an illegal substance (he means "cannapiss" - ed.) is clearly not the diet of champions !


Meanwhile, having arrived late, here come Mall Tosh Park and "Cockney" Stu fresh from their stroll round the boundary. But they've not been idle, oh no ! They have in fact done their bit for the nature conservancy council by freeing two hedgehogs which they'd found caught up in the boundary netting. And here was us thinking they'd found some "hedge grumble" to look at (see Viz for details :).

But it's not all good news as close inspection of the photograph clearly proves it was in fact Mall Tosh Park who is responsible for the "cannapiss" on the Land Registry window.

Oh how will we live it down ? A Jolly Boy drinking "cannapiss" who's only excuse was "It was left over from my house party and it'll only go to waste".


But here's here's proof positive of their stirling rescue efforts as we continue with an action shot of one of the hedgehogs which has celebrated it's new found unentanglement by curling up into a very traditional ball.

Or maybe it's just found a particularly good source of new fleas and it's waiting for them all to get onboard before it joins it's pal in the neighbouring gardens ? Who knows the mystery of the hedgehog mind (er.. probably hedgehogs you idiot ? - ed.)


Well back at the game (i.e. the thing that you really want to read about) the Jollys are now batting and the runs are piling on.

To prove the point, and thanks to some very patient repeated pressing of your humble scribes camera shutter button, you can even see the runs adding up on the display of Dave's mighty "Scoreboard 100" (tm)


And for more action footage just look at this ! Not only did I manage to capture the runs scored display but a further 300 attempts later and I've also captured the "wickets taken" display (and filled a 128 Mb compact flash card to boot - ed.).

I must also point out that the entertainment hasn't stopped yet as the figure on display is correct and we really have lost no wickets (stop laughing at the back) - and that's with our regular openers Jol & Oggs at the crease !

Gadzooks 'tis astounding I say, astounding.


Well never mind the storyline being so poor here's what you really wanted, and which we really didn't expect, to see - A delighted Oggs & Jol returning to the pavilion having posted the required runs without loss !

All I can say is that, in proof positive of the unendingly strange and ramdomly unpredictable nature of the universe, the Jollys have actually won their first game of the season.


So naturally we end the day with a well earned visit to the pub for a few pints of celebratory Becks. And new man John shows their is no end to his talents as not only did he put in a cracking bowling performance but he can even talk to girls without getting either drenched in Vodka & Coke or given an a.s.b.o.

Hip hip hooray for the Jolly, Jolly J !!!

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